The emotional core of monetary conflicts in relationships

Money is one of the most sensitive and at the same time the most conflicting issues that couples can keep busy in their time together. It is considered one of the most common causes of tensions, misunderstandings and even breaks in partnerships. It is less the actual sum that influences dispute or harmony, but rather the emotional and psychological aspects that are related toare connected. It becomes particularly problematic when the topic of money is taboo in the relationship. When couples avoid talking about it openly, unspoken expectations, fears and prejudices arise that can grow in secret and can put a strain on the relationship in the long term.

The “dangerous silence” and its consequences

If the conversation about money is not actively sought or consciously avoided, a “dangerous silence” often arises. In such a state, partners do not speak directly about their financial worries, desires or fears, but withdraw into a kind of emotional withdrawal. This state of limbo is comparable to an invisible wall that interacts with the two partners.is built. The Süddeutsche Zeitung describes this phenomenon aptly: It is fears that make talking about money more difficult, as if there was a decomposing force behind it. This feeling as if the topic of money would be a kind of taboo causes the willingness to talk and conflicts build up uncontrollably. In practice, many couples do not even knowhow they are supposed to have an open conversation at all. You feel insecure, avoid the topic or get into a fight as soon as it is summed up. This leads to misunderstandings deepening and the conflicts appearing insoluble. The conversation is often caught in argument after just a few sentences because the partners do not meet at eye level or their feelings are notcan classify.

Emotions, money and their inseparable connection

If you take a closer look, it becomes clear that money in relationships is not a purely rational matter. Rather, it is an emotionally charged topic that is deeply rooted in the past. The American financial advisor and author Carl Richards puts it in a nutshell: Money is synonymous with feelings. It is a symbol of power, control, appreciation, security oralso uncertainty. In partnerships, the power relations, the values each individual represents, and the ideas of the future and quality of life are often reflected in money. So if you really want to cultivate your relationship, you should be aware that there are emotional patterns behind every financial decision. These patterns are mostly unconsciously created in theChildhood and through the family character that we have subconsciously taken over. It is important to deal with these inner images in order to better understand your own reactions to money and to avoid conflicts.

The importance of one’s own character and cultural influences

Each person brings an individual attitude towards money into the partnership. This attitude is strongly influenced by the experiences that one has had in the family. Was money for the parents a sign of avarice or of thrift? Was there a culture of renunciation, conscious consumption in the family or was money spent rather unplanned? Have you learned to spendbudget, or was the last earned euro spent immediately? Some families have tabooed the topic of money, others have spoken openly about it. Was money tight in childhood or was there always enough? Was it customary to decide on larger investments together, or was everything decided individually? Such patterns shape and influence behavior in adulthoodHow to handle money and partner with money. If we become aware of these imprints, we can question our attitude towards money and adjust if necessary. This does not mean that you have to completely dissolve your past, but rather that you recognize your own beliefs and learn to communicate them openly in the partnership.

Dealing with unconscious stories and cultural patterns

Many people unconsciously reproduce the patterns they experienced in their childhood. They adopt certain behaviors or try to deliberately distance themselves from it so as not to fall back into old patterns. It is helpful to be aware of how your family talked about money, what values were conveyed and how you took them over yourself. oneDiscussion about the financial experiences of the parents, about the handling of assets or about the perception of wealth can be relatively low-risk at the relationship level. As long as you don’t devalue or condemn your partner’s experiences, misunderstandings can often be avoided here. On the contrary: through appreciative inquiries and real interest, one can tell a lot about theLearn the background of the other and understand the differences in the respective thought patterns. Conscious listening without immediately judging or reproaching creates an atmosphere of trust. Such conversations can help uncover old stories that unconsciously control your own behavior and enable you to find new ways of dealing with money.

Recognize and control potential conflict through incompatible values

The risk that arises when partners have different ideas about dealing with money should not be underestimated. For example, if one of the two values security high while the other is more risk-taking, conflicts can arise. These differences are usually deeply rooted in the respective embossing and are not so easy to resolve. oneExtreme example is the situation in which a partner without consultation makes a risky investment that endangers the financial stability of the whole family. Such conflicts are often serious and can massively shake trust in the partnership. Therefore, it is advisable to develop common principles for dealing with money, both of which can accept. in thisit is important to take the values, fears and needs of both sides seriously and to speak openly about wishes and limits. It makes sense to talk about financial issues regularly and consciously in order to clarify misunderstandings at an early stage and to develop common strategies.

Clear rules for dialogue about money in partnership

In order to avoid or defuse conflicts, it is advisable to establish certain rules for dealing with money. These rules should be binding to create a common basis. It is important to set a fixed time for discussions when both are undisturbed and have sufficient energy. The discussions should be made as specific as possible.Instead of vague statements like “Money is always a problem”, it is better to address individual topics: such as risk assessment for investments, dealing with unexpected losses or the question of monthly expenses. It is worth checking the accounts and expenses together to determine where savings are possible or whether certain expenses made sense.Listen patiently, ask questions and question the partner’s statements. The aim is to develop mutual understanding and to reflect on one’s own perspectives. If the conversation gets too emotional, you should agree a break and continue it at a later date.

Dealing with mistakes and the importance of self-reflection

Mistakes and misunderstandings are inevitable in such conversations. It is therefore important to maintain an open attitude and also address errors. Comments should be avoided that personally attack their partner, such as “this is typical for you”. Instead, it is helpful to develop an attitude of self-criticism and learning. is a proven meansto take on the principle of “no accusation not shame”. Some people wear some kind of “cap” that says “No Shame, No Blame” that they wear when talking about money to be aware that it’s about sharing and understanding – not about blame. However, the most important key to successful conversations about money is onedeeper level: It is about the question of why money is so important for each individual. Awareness of one’s own motives, fears and values is essential to avoid conflicts or to solve them constructively. Money is not a purely factual matter, but an emotional topic that says a lot about our identity and our inner beliefs.

Understanding money as a mirror of inner values

Ultimately, understanding your own relationship with money and the willingness to speak openly and honestly with your partner about it is the key to a harmonious partnership. It is about recognizing one’s own beliefs, reflecting on the emotional background and working together on transparent and respectful communication. This is the only way conflicts canbe solved constructively in this sensitive area in order to strengthen the relationship and to create a secure financial future together. The willingness to deal with one’s own feelings and old patterns is the cornerstone for a conscious handling of money and a fulfilling partnership.