Beginning of being a parent brings with it a multitude of changes that are often difficult to predict and turn your previous life completely upside down. Many people who have previously enjoyed a lively social scene suddenly find themselves in a world where everything revolves around the little being born. The picture you get from amade a relaxed, carefree life with a child often gives way to a reality that is much more chaotic, more exhausting and unpredictable than you could ever imagine. For many, this experience is a great change that is both emotional and practical. It’s a journey full of surprises where you learn to yourself and your own limitsRediscovering while trying to organize everyday life with a small being that has its own needs and rhythms. The experience described here describes the personal impressions and insights of a mother who has to find his way around this new phase of life and shows how expectations and reality often change a lotdistinguish.
Before the birth: dreams and ideas about life with a child
Before the birth of my child, I had a clear idea of what life with a little person would look like. I was convinced that I would be a casual, relaxed mother who has everything under control and still maintains her social contacts. In my head I already had a collection of thoughts and beliefs that should prepare me for this time. meI imagined that the child would sleep everywhere when it was tired, whether in a café, in the park or with friends in the meadow. It should be natural that we are on the road together, sitting at festivals, strolling through the city while carrying the baby in a sling while enjoying life to the fullest. For me it was clear that the child with friends in the big,would eat the open kitchen while we chat relaxed, and that we would go to the Italians as always on Friday afternoon, the child of course with us. I was convinced that I would be in the middle of a solid, the child sleeping on my lap or on the sofa, and everyone would admire how uncomplicated everything is because children are sleeping when they are tired and we have the childtake with you everywhere. For me, these ideas were a kind of ideal that reflected my optimistic attitude, but in reality everything should develop completely differently.
The first experience: The child comes and everything is different
When my own child was finally born, everything changed abruptly. After the first ten days in childbirth, I knew that my initial ideas about a relaxed, cool mom could no longer be held. We made an appointment with the parents-in-law to stroll through town together and I was looking forward to finally coming back to the door. but hardlyOnce we reached our meeting point, the child immediately began to scream, and the idea of a harmonious day was abruptly destroyed. That day I learned several things that had been hard to imagine before. First, that although you bring a new creature into the world and take it home, you still don’t know how it works. Second, that the environment, includingmy partner, assumes that I have a natural, instinctive knowledge that I really have to learn yet. Thirdly, after several minutes of baby screams, the people who are pityingly switch to reproachful, which creates a feeling of failure. Fourth, that you should never forget the diapers and wet wipes on excursions, because these objects are in everyday lifeare vital. During this time we got to know our baby better and better, discovered what it likes, such as the breast, sleeping in bed with mom and bathing, and what it doesn’t like, like shopping, cafés or dressing up. We realized that the baby has a specific rhythm to live by and that everything builds on that rhythm. The conclusion was simple: If the baby after hisallowed to live in his own rhythm, everything is going well. If not, everything goes wrong. For people without children, it’s hard to understand how difficult it is to explain to them why we have to go now, even though the baby looks peaceful. It’s because it’s about to collapse, even if it’s not visible to outsiders. This everyday life is shaped by small compromises and the constantAdaptation to the needs of the child, which often becomes a great burden, but also leads to a deep connection.
Daily life with baby: limited freedoms and new priorities
I myself no longer go to the Italians on Friday afternoon because the child has to sleep by 1 p.m. at the latest, preferably in my own bed. When we’re somewhere else, it wakes up or doesn’t sleep at all, which makes the afternoon torment. Despite the best intentions in restaurants, cafés or at parties, it is hardly possible to have longer conversations there because the focus is constantly on thechild lies. The probability of having a cohesive conversation at a meeting in the café decreases to zero. Even in the evenings with friends it is difficult to stay awake for a long time. If we come early enough to get the child tired before the usual sleeping time, everything is fine. Once it can turn, the situation is more complicated because it is then constantly trying to get off the bedclimb. If you do sleep, it will be woken up again after a few hours to go home so that you won’t lose any sleep. Even if we can hardly keep our eyes open from half past nine in the evening, such meetings are the exception. Surprisingly, we hardly go to activities where you have to wake up late. This is hardly understandable for people without children, becauseYou can hardly imagine how much life has changed. There are even life-based, computer-driven dolls that teenagers can practice taking care of a baby to bring them the challenges. I thought about buying something like this just to give anyone who asks why I don’t dance or go out just to put the baby dolls in my hand. butIt costs a lot of money that I would rather invest in other things. It’s hard to explain that you enjoy spending time with your child, even if these activities sometimes seem boring or unexciting to outsiders. It is also difficult to convey that the few leisure activities you participate in depend heavily on the condition of the child,from free areas to romp, the presence of other children or a suitable surface. Over time, my child grew up and was able to come out of the bedroom of friends on his own, grabbed everything that was pointed, dangerous or valuable, and moved in the beer garden towards the street. It could choke, fall and bump its head.
This made our everyday life even more hectic
Our everyday life became even more hectic because we had to be careful all the time to protect the child from danger and keep it alive. Nevertheless, I keep assuring my childless friends that it’s still great, even if a lot of things are different than they imagine. At some point I realized that I’m not a cool mom, like many childless peopleintroduce one. I can hardly explain to you why this is so, and my explanations usually sound like justifications. So now I’m just letting it be. The effort to find understanding among friends without children has now become secondary for me. Instead, I’ll just call the facts that are simply accepted, pulled through the cocoa or hit the windcan be, but that are not up for discussion. If a party is planned on Saturday evening, we say off, without much explanation. At the brunch on Sunday at twelve o’clock with Klaus, we prefer to say no. go for a coffee? Only between ten and eleven. Cinema, football, concert or poetry slam? Everything will be canceled with the standard answer: we probably won’t come, but we have youStill dear. That sounds honest and forgiving without needing to explain what’s actually going on. Of course, there are also friends without children who we still do something with, and these hours are valuable because they show that it is possible to experience beautiful moments even without children. You understand what is currently possible and are not offended if an invitation is short-termmust be canceled. Alternatively, I would like to invite you to breakfast, early in the morning when we are still fit. And I want everyone to know: Don’t give up on us, we’ll come back when the conditions are right again and everything is more relaxed again.
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