The danger of constant help: A look at dependencies

In a world where support and care are highly valued, it is sometimes difficult to distinguish between helpful support and unhealthy toxic dependence. Often it is small behavior and unconscious patterns that lead people to remain permanently in the role of the helper, while those who need support are getting further into theirbeing pushed for independence. This behavior can develop insidiously and show in various areas of life, be it in a professional environment, within the family or in partnerships. The consequences are often serious because people lose their ability to recognize and solve problems on their own. Organizations and interpersonal relationshipsSuch dynamics are gradually degenerating and degenerating into unhealthy structures. The following example and the subsequent analysis are intended to show how these patterns develop, why they are harmful and what ways there are to promote and strengthen healthy, autonomy-based relationships.

A clear example: The helpless boss

It looks like an absurd comedy or a whimsical satire, but that’s exactly how we experienced it during a visit to Bavaria when we picked up our rental car from a landlord. The landlord, who personally looked after the contract, was obviously overwhelmed, which was clearly shown in his behavior. As soon as he had started paperwork, he was repeatedly asked by an employeeinterrupted, who constantly asked for something. The boss was desperately looking for the contract documents he couldn’t find because they were probably in a confusing file folder or in a lost folder. He tried to print out the bill, but the printer kept on strike, which increasingly frustrated him. He regularly lost the key to theVehicle class that we had rented, which made the situation even more absurd. Not only the employees were annoying, but above all the boss himself, who through his behavior managed to create an atmosphere of complete overwhelm. This boss had raised his employees in such a way that they were completely dependent and had to constantly ask questions because they didn’tdeveloped initiative. This led us to witnesses a kind of role-playing game in which helplessness and overwhelms increased each other and the chaos continued to escalate. It’s amazing how quickly you recognize such patterns once you’ve developed a look at them. This scene may seem strange, but it reflects a widespread phenomenonwhich is not only reflected in the interaction between superiors and employees, but also between parents and children or between partners in a relationship.

The recurring pattern: Why do people keep asking the same questions?

What is so annoying about this behavior is the fact that many questions keep popping up even though they have already been answered. Not years ago, but a few days ago, sometimes even just a few hours ago. This repeated question pattern is no coincidence, but a clear symptom of a deeper problem. So why do sensible people keep askingThe same questions? The first simple explanation is that questions provide a quick and convenient solution to complex problems. Anyone who asks, evades responsibility by shifting the solution onto the questioner. This behavior is confirmed by repeated sense of achievement and thus strengthened. It’s a kind of vicious circle: The more often someone acts in this way, theHe gets more used to giving up responsibility instead of actively taking it on. This mechanism is understandable, but at the same time extremely harmful because it prevents the development of those who depend on support. The real problem, however, lies with the people who answer the questions. Because through their behavior, they promote a dependency thatis harmful in the long term and significantly restricts the independence of those affected.

Promote responsibility or give up responsibility?

Not everyone who asks a question is automatically a refugee of responsibility. Likewise, not everyone who occasionally gives an answer is a selfish helper. It is understandable when people need support to overcome challenges. But the problem arises when this support becomes permanent. The basics of helping are basically the needsto take into account the other person’s personal responsibility and to promote them. However, if constant and everywhere help is helped, the focus shifts to the helper himself. This behavior is deeply selfish, even if it seems altruistic at first glance. The one who constantly helps feels good at being the center of the action when theto be perceived as caring rescuers. This staging is primarily for your own well-being, because it gives you the feeling of being used and important. The problem with this is that this behavior causes the helpers to overwhelm themselves and use up their energy, while the recipients of the help become more and more dependent and give up their personal responsibility. It is createdAn unhealthy dynamic that permanently harms both the helper and the supporter.

Long-term consequences: atrophied people and unhealthy systems

What is often overlooked in this behavior is the serious effect on the people and systems involved in it. In organizations, permanent over-care means that employees are infantilized. They lose their ability to recognize and solve problems independently because they are constantly dependent on instructions and assistance. This promotes aDependency that significantly limits their autonomy and development. Even in interpersonal relationships, in families or partnerships, excessive care behavior can lead to people giving up their independence and permanently remaining in dependence. The consequence is clear: the people who are constantly supported are increasingly incapable ofact independently, and develop an attitude of passivity. For organizations, this means that the employees hardly ever take the initiative because they are no longer used to making decisions independently. This dynamic ultimately leads to a degeneration of performance and to a permanent impoverishment of individual and collective skills. itA spiral is created in which independence is constantly dwindling, while dependency grows and the systems are weakened overall.

The way to responsible support

To avoid misunderstandings: It is absolutely right and necessary to support people in need. Nobody should be let down when they need support. But it is also essential to recognize the limits of when help is really helpful and when it only harms. True support means empowering people to independentlydevelop, recognize and strengthen their personal responsibility. It’s about giving them the space to develop their own abilities instead of constantly depriving them of everything. Leadership and support should be designed to promote autonomy instead of undermining it. The goal is to empower people to make decisions confidently and independently, theirsto tackle and learn from problems actively. This is the only way individual personalities and healthy systems can grow and develop. Anyone who strives for a sustainable change should never take care of people, but accompany and support them on their way to independence without keeping them in permanent dependence. Being an adult means taking responsibility for thatto take over your own life and give others the same space. This is the only way to create stable, healthy relationships and organizations in which all those involved can develop their strengths and grow together.