When an argument becomes threatening, many people try to protect themselves from insults and rejection. They attack, retreat, pretend everything is fine, or give in while denying their own desires. Such reactions can relieve the immediate tension, but do not resolve the conflict. In the long run, they prevent trust and closeness instead of preserving them.
Fighting: Attack Instead of Understanding
The first reaction is to treat the partner as an opponent and immediately go on the attack. Accusations, sweeping accusations, criticism and a loud voice are intended to intimidate the other. The underlying goal is often to make the partner give in and thereby regain a sense of control. If the other person actually gives small amounts, it can be like aVictory, but the relationship has been damaged in the process.
Intimidation destroys the trust on which a partnership depends. Those who impose their will through judgment and pressure make it difficult for the other to remain open and vulnerable. Over time, both partners close themselves: one withdraws, the other stops trying to reach out to him. The closenessfades away until there is hardly anything left of the former familiarity.
Escape: Non-return retreat
Another reaction is to avoid any confrontation. Anyone who pursues this strategy withdraws into themselves, refuses the conversation and leaves the conflict unresolved. This is not the same as an agreed break, after which both partners come back and talk more calmly. In the case of permanent withdrawal, there is no reliable point in time at which theCommunication is resumed.
Behind this reaction is often fear of confrontation. Those affected prefer to limit conversations to harmless topics and expect the partner to be particularly careful with them. In some relationships, women complain that they have to treat their husbands as if they are fragile; sometimes the same dynamic occurs the other way around.The excessive caution then becomes so familiar that those involved hardly notice it anymore.
Some couples completely stop talking to each other in the event of disagreements. Instead of openly addressing the conflict, they punish the partner by depriving them of love and hope to achieve the desired behavior in this way. The pain is not carried out directly, but by refusedIt conveys affection, but it breeds resentment and hostility rather than understanding.
The retreat can initially provide calmness and give the appearance of harmony. But when important topics remain unspoken and feelings have no place, disappointment and bitterness accumulate. The loving and passionate feelings that once bound the coupleincreasingly forgotten, some people then try to numb the inner pain with food or other addictive substances.
Pretend to: Agree without honesty
In this reaction, a partner pretends that there is no problem at all. He smiles, seems to agree and gives the impression of being completely satisfied. However, behind this facade, growing sensitivity can arise because someone keeps giving without getting anything back. This throws the natural exchange of affection and support out of balance.
Whodisguised, is often afraid to express his true feelings. Instead of naming his own anger or desires, he explains that everything is good and there is nothing to worry about. Such formulations can mean different things for men and women. A man can express that he can cope alone, has already made his plan or does not need help; a womancan use the same words to avoid an encounter.
Sometimes those affected eventually believe that everything is fine, even though they are dissatisfied internally. They convince themselves that the situation is pleasant and trouble-free because they do not want to risk the conflict. In doing so, they set aside their own wishes, needs and feelings. The apparent harmony is achieved withthe loss of one’s own voice.
Giving up: Losing your own point of view
Those who give up try to avoid an argument by taking all the blame. In the short term, this can look like a loving and accommodating relationship. But if one constantly gives in without bringing their own needs in, both partners gradually lose a clear sense of who they are and what they want.
A man described his wife asloving and caring, but at the same time complained that she herself was never satisfied. She had put her own needs aside for over 20 years and hardly argued with him. When asked about the relationship, she explained that her husband treated her well and that she herself was the only problem; at the same time, she suffered from persistent dejection. Their dissatisfaction was related to the fact that theyhad denied themselves for a long time and had barely expressed their wishes.
People who adapt in this way often recognize very clearly what the partner wants. They shape their behavior accordingly in order to please him and not to endanger the affection. Eventually, however, the burden becomes too great, and they refuse to continue to give up for the relationship. Until thenyour own identity may already have faded into the background.
Rejection hits such people particularly hard because they have been rejecting themselves for a long time. They therefore try to please everyone and be liked by everyone. To avoid rejection, they bypass their own boundaries and desires. In the end, they not only give in in the dispute, but lose theContact with yourself.
Pause the argument and continue talking later
Many people switch between these behaviors; some recognize themselves in several of them. Despite their differences, they pursue the same goal: to protect against injury. But attack, retreat, disguise and self-abandonment do not solve the conflict permanently, but postpone or aggravate it.
It is more helpful to notice the escalation early and have the conversationbefore the partners continue to hurt each other. Both can calm down and then return at an agreed time to revisit the topic in a calmer tone. This is about listening sympathetically, sharing your own feelings honestly and respecting your partner’s point of view. In this way, a dispute can again become a conversation in whichboth express their needs without playing off the relationship against each other.
Screenshot youtube.com
